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Not only is it National Talk Like A Pirate Day (which ye'd already know if ye not be a scurvy dog of a landlubber) but it's also the 29th anniversary of invention of smiley emoticon :-)

To celebrate, write something humorous that's constructed well enough to make it obvious that it's a joke, and doesn't require an emoticon for punctuation.

Now do that for the rest of your life. It will improve your writing, and help get rid of emoticons.